I want to be an immigration judge

There is a definite hierarchy of judges. The women (soon to be woman) and men of the Supreme Court of the United States are endowed with awesome powers of cognition and able to know the minds of people dead for 200 years. Others members of the federal judiciary are only slightly less superhuman. State court judges are subhuman. In fact, they're ghetto.

In this Great Chain of Being, immigration judges must be at the bottom. They do things like say "Jane, come here. Me Tarzan," to an asylum-seeker who had been raped and beaten in Uganda. Today from How Appealing comes a story of the Third Circuit being "troubled" by an immigration judge's comments, "You have to understand, the whole world does not revolve around you and the other Indonesians that just want to live here because they enjoy the United States better than they enjoy living in Indonesia. It is not a world that revolves around you and your ethnic group."

It's not an isolated incident. Federal Court of Appeals judges really dislike immigration judges. Esteemed egghead Judge Richard Posner in Benslimane v. Gonzales, 430 F.3d 828 (7th Cir. 2005) said, "The adjudication of these cases at the administrative level has fallen below the minimum standards of legal justice." Judge Fuentes in Qun Wang v. Attorney General of the United States, 423 F.3d 260 (3d Cir. 2005) wrote, "The tone, the tenor, the disagreement, and the sarcasm of the I.J. seems more appropriate to a court television show than a federal court proceeding."

There is also the famous lambasting that appellate Judge Berzon gave Immigration Judge Gordon. The lead sentence in Recinos de Leon v. Gonzales, 400 F.3d 1185 (9th Cir. 2005) is "This case presents for review a literally incomprehensible opinion by an immigration judge (IJ), denying petitioner's application for asylum and withholding of removal." It goes downhill from there, remarking on the lack of "any intelligible structure" or how a key sentence "defies parsing under ordinary rules of English grammar." Judge Gordon's opinion is attached as an appendix so everyone can point and laugh.

Therefore, I want to be an immigration judge. I type in complete sentences. I puncutate. I spell correctly. I don't make racial jokes often. Therefore, I would be an improvement, and the Court of Appeals would make fun of me for other reasons.